Buttermilk II

Happy birthday buddy. Hope you'll forever cherish this bear with a chainsaw attached to his chest.

Buttermilk

How I Make Stuff Better

So, in my last post titled '5 Minute Drawings' or something along those lines I'm pretty tired and its not important. Long story short fuck those topics I don't need to explain my drawings to anyone, and it took longer than 5 minutes but who cares I already said "fuck it'" and fuck it we shall. But and a big one is it did give me an idea. As you probably don't know I made an ordinary rainbow into a 'goddamn awesome kick you in your face and give cancer to your hair' rainbow. So I was thinking about what else is totally pathetic and needs to be made into something awesome with a cool title like my 'goddamn awesome kick you in your face and give cancer to your hair' rainbow. What I came up with was the Unicorn. 

Yeah you can't get lower than a unicorn. So first I wondered who in the hell came up with a unicorn in the first place. Do you think someone was making horse toys and was like "Hey! Philbert, should we add horns on the horses so that boys would play with our toys too?", "Albert! That's a great idea it will be like combining a triceratops with a horse. Kids wouldn't like them triceratops if they didn't have horns I think you're on to something"? That's true a triceratops would be stupid without horns that's like a raptor without that badass super claw on their feet. But a raptor would still be way cool. Ah I shouldn't be talking about already awesome animals I'm talking about Unicorns and how Albert's plan backfired horribly. Now it is my task to make the unicorn awesome and this was the thought process. First get rid of that awful pink color, its real name is coral :). Then make that gay mane into something awesome LIKE FIRE, but not any kind of fire it has to be way awesome........... By fuck I've got it! Black Fire! Holy horned horses how bout that? Yeah and give it some black eyes so you know its soul is rotted! Ah man I'm onto something here. But I know I can do better. FUCKIN DRAGON WINGS! This is pretty much what I ended up with:

Yeah I know how I said dragon wings plural but they are just exactly behind each other......Oh come on Its fucking Paint(again not mine and I'm not saying it is) If you wanna draw dragon wings on your Unicorn do it and then shove it! That is one epic animal and that is why it is named: 'The flaming not in a gay way dragon winged, soul-harvesting EPICORN of the Apocalypse'. Yeah I did combine epic and unicorn into one word, deal with it.

5 Minute Drawings

Hello nobodies! This is the first of hopefully many '5 Minute Drawing' segments. It'll be what I do when I'm too tired to write a real post or try and please all of my fans! And by all I mean NONE!!!! Feel the guilt? I'm layin' it on pretty thick....Back to the drawings! I was in Paint(again I don't own that and its probably super copyrighted, registered, and mega trademarked) and noticed the colors in the top row go in the order red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. "THAT'S A RAINBOW!!!!" I proclaimed to the heavens. However just like Pluto getting rudely excluded so has indigo. Yeah apparently Science can choose what's in our rainbows and what isn't. Now I was stuck on rainbows and I know what it means so I couldn't just draw any rainbow. So I had to draw the most straight rainbow ever like if the Rocky movies, the Predator movies, and any other movie Arnold Schawrenzeger, Schwarrennngenheimer, Scharchengengoogleinheimer, SCHWARZENEGGER. Goodness that is one hard name to spell....like if all those things I said were combined, then died and were re-incarnated as a rainbow. This is what I got. 

 Yeah! It says "I'm gonna shank ya with all the colors of mah body until I get mah Indigo back!!!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~TOODLES~~~~~~~~~(I like those things but I have no idea how to use them in a sentence or what they are for!)

Blogging To Myself

So as you might guess, I have no followers and nobody has commented on my blog. Yeah sad face. But I have had 5 people view it at once! Which I guess is okay but its still like talking to yourself and then telling your friends about it. That's going to be the first goal of this blog to have someone follow it who I dont personally know! I have no clue how long that's going to take though. It could be tomorrow, today, or never, and I have no idea when any of those days are! It shouldn't take too long with all my awesome drawings. Like this one for example:

LOOK AT THAT PUPPEH! That is the only puppy I have ever seen from MS Paint(I don't own it but It's probably registered or something along those lines so basically don't sue me. Wait that would mean my blog would have viewed and that would be a good thing but not really. I dont own Paint!) But I would argue that its top ten or fifteen. Uh blogging is so hard when nobody is reading it........

Just kidding no trolls please. This is so much harder than other people make it look. Well I hope all you people who aren't paying attention to me are making that puppy very sad. VERY VERY SAD.

Yeah usually when people are ignoring me I choose to be obnoxious and just speak really loud. However no matter how loud I speak the internet wont hear me. So please at least leave a comment even if its about how bad the blog is. Eh nevermind don't do that but saying hi would be super nice. Who knows I may even draw a dinosaur if I get a few followers wouldn't that be awesome!? You know if you act now you can be my FIRST follower and if me capitalizing the word FIRST isn't appealing I don't know what to say. If you're my first follower we could be friends and then we could play ultimate frisbee together and if you don't know how just read my other post!!!!!.........Well looks like I'll just have to keep on doing this alone listening to Taylor Swift.



Ultimate: A Guide For The Less Intense

In high school I played Ultimate frisbee a few times and found out it was too much running for me. In fact running in itself is too much for me and that is why I swam, but that's another story for another time. However, when I got to college I made a master strategy on how I could play Ultimate, win, and most importantly have the minimal amount of running. Essentially I would stand in the end zone....I think that's what its called in ultimate. Oh well I play the game I don't speak it. Long story short, It was a great success when I would stand in the designated scoring area. I actually enjoy the game and here is my guide to you. YOU'RE WELCOME. First we'll start of pretty basic here is what is called a catch.

Notice the key part of a catch is that the frisbee is firmly in the hand with the fingers clasped around it. Boy that sentence have a lot of funny words in it, frisbee, finger, and clasped. Haha okay back to frisbee. If you fail to secure the frisbee it is called a drop.

Now you'll notice that the frisbee is not in my hand and this is highly frowned upon the catching world much like clubbing baby seals is frowned upon by the good people world. Therefore do not club baby frisbees, that's your life lesson for the day. Sometimes people are bad at throwing and you must use the technique of jumping to catch the baby seal...wait what?

See feet off the ground and once again the baby frisbee seal  is secured. This is how it would look if you did it wrong.

FAIL! This is when your team should laugh at you and make you cry! Its because they love you and sorta due to the fact that you're bad at everything you do. Do not fret for there is an easy way to catch. This technique is called the gator much like those dicks in Florida do to cheer on their teams. Too bad they don't have anything to cheer about since Tebow got drafted HA! *Disclaimer: I don't hate everyone from Florida just the one's I don't like so if you're from Florida I might even like you...In the way that I'm not a creeper. Wow this is a long disclaimer huh? Guess I can say anything with out getting in trouble well in that case* Back to frisbee! So basically the gator is when you catch the frisbee with one hand on the top the other on the bottom.

So simple but effective. Unfortunately I have come across people that will still drop the frisbee.

They have no hope and should probably roll around in some toxic waste in hopes of becoming some sort of Octopus monster.

I think his freckles are cute! I promise to get better at drawing octopus monsters. What was this post even about? I have no clue...IMOFFMYMEDICINE!!!!!!!!!